Beyond the Stereotype
I am who I was told to be. I didn’t complain. I didn’t bother trying to step outside the lines that directed me to academic success. I didn’t try to purposely be an anomaly by being inclined to school, rather I was trying so hard to be the same.
Now I wouldn’t consider being the top of the class or achieving the highest grades as the “same” as other kids anymore, but that was the idea I had in middle school where I started to take academics seriously. It’s not that I always wanted to become an overachieving student or anything like that, but that was the only thing I really knew what to do. In my opinion, it was because I was unwillingly thrown down an academic rabbit hole from “family pressure”, which to be honest, wasn’t even real. I just felt the obligation to become another Asian prodigal child that stereotypes depicts Asian children as.
Honestly though, even though Asian stereotypes are a pain to listen to, they contain some truth. There are stereotypes for a reason-–they’re an overly simplified and overly generalized belief of a group of people or an action based on real things, though it is usually offensive and incorrect—so yeah, partial truth. But I believe that generalization led me to want to become an embodiment of the stereotype because that was my idea of being the “same” with other people. Rather, it would be with people that fill this narrative of Asians.
I played the piano for nearly a decade since I was 5 and won awards; played golf since I was 7, competing in and winning tournaments; and for as long as I can remember, I always wanted the highest grades in my class; heck, in seventh grade, I got a 102 as a final grade in my science class in 7th grade. Not on a test, but in the gradebook because I had the drive to unnecessarily do extra credit for tests I aced.
That was my idea of trying to be the same as other kids, but I was never surrounded by those other kids to even know if they existed like I thought; that's why I tried to fill that role and hopefully find others like who also did the same.
I’m in high school now and I can say I feel grateful for the stereotype, but it's still excessive. For example, I’m grateful for the study habits I’ve developed over the years, which ultimately began from trying to look like I knew what I was doing when I first started to study seriously. I’m grateful for how I care about my education, where I step up into leadership roles in these clubs and organizations that teach me valuable skills. I’m grateful for the opportunity I have to learn and connect with other people. Yet, at the same time, there's a compounding expectation of me to be able to continue this path without exemption. There's barely time for going out besides the time on the weekend where I’m not studying, no time to play the sport I’ve been trying to perfect for years, and apparently “studying for a couple hours a day isn’t going to cut it” anymore.
Going to a predominantly white private school with maybe around 10 or so Asian students, my cultural identity is what made me stand out, and that's all I held on to my freshman year. For once, I wanted to strive for difference rather than wanting to achieve similarity, but it didn’t feel right. I didn’t like making something that others didn’t relate to my identity. It felt like I created a space where others couldn’t enter unless they shared similar enough characteristics.
As I navigate my junior year, I’ve learned that while external influences may draft the outline of who I am, I hold the pen. Accepting the discipline of my cultural heritage doesn’t mean surrendering to a stereotype, nor does standing out require isolating myself behind my differences. True personal identity isn't about fitting a preset mold or desperately trying to break it—it’s about intentionally choosing which pieces to keep, which to discard, and building something authentically on my own.
-Justin
